I have gone to Academy and successfully returned with a bunch of new cargo shorts. I will not go into the size involved, suffice it to say that I'm delighted to find a non elastic pair that fits me.
Pants are an important part of writing. Faulkner wore pants. F. Scott Fitzgerald wore pants. Hemingway wore pants. Therefore pants matter. Now that I'm suitably equipped with pants, I expect my writing to improve. The fact that they are cargo shorts that go well with my straw hat should only make my prose all the better.
I expect great things.