The Carnival

I have a funny version of recurrent dreams. They aren't exactly the same dream every time, but they have the same circumstances and themes...and usually the same outcomes.

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One of my earliest involves a carnival. I was very young when I had the first one of these, so there isn't a lot to it.

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Basically it's at night, and I can see the lights of a carnival in the distance, over a stretch of trees. I want to go very badly, so I start making my way towards it. I can see the ferris wheel turning, strings of lights hanging between poles, and I hear music and people talking and laughing. I finally make it to the trees and start working my way though.

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But when I come out the other side, the carnival is closed. It's all dark, and the people have gone home. I saw my grandmother sweeping up papers with a large broom, and she told me that I had missed it and would have to wait till next year. Not the happiest of dreams. But I had it a lot, in different variations. But the one thing they all had in common was the bright lights of the carnival in the distance...full of people, fun, and life...and the disappointing reality when I got there. It would be closed, or gone, and I had missed the chance to disappear into the lights, sounds, and people again.

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I have no idea what it meant. I haven't had one of those in decades, but it was one of the dreams that haunted my childhood. Maybe it was something about the reality never measuring up to the dream...or maybe alienation, and wishing to somehow be a part of something I couldn't. I don't know. But it makes me feel better to take the kids to carnivals :)