So I have reached the point of the edit where I quit just accepting small changes in the syntax and punctuation, and dive off into actually rewriting.
There is a certain point of the story that simply doesn't work for about half the readers. And the only way to fix it is going to be going in with a butcher knife and excising the whole mass. Then I'll have to replace it with something different, but still fits into the story as a whole. This is goingt to be a real challenge.
At the moment, I have Cargill indulging in internal dialogue with his former self, as opposed to just musing like he was in the first set of drafts. A bit of argument between Mr. Cargill and Mr. Chance...so to speak. I'm not totally sold on the idea, and will have to back up and read it after a day just to see if I think it really works.
That's the problem with rewriting. You're trying to achieve a goal you have already written, but now trying to write in a different way without changing anything.